Delusions

I was born perfect. 

Perfect love. Perfect wonder. Perfect joy. 

I was born into a perfect world, full of perfect opportunities and perfect experiences. 

Pure unlimited love and potential wrapped up in baby soft skin and downy hair. 

I was born perfect. Then I was fed lies and delusions until I took them as my own. 

I believed. 

I believed I was not good enough and that if I tried harder, did more,  I would be worthy. 

I believed I was flawed and unlovable. 

I believed I was not pretty enough.  I believed I was not smart enough. I believed I was not brave enough. 

I tried and tried to become enough. Smart enough, strong enough, kind enough, patient enough, pretty enough.  But enough stayed just out of reach. 

I listened to the lies until they became my own delusions. 

I searched for someone who could love such as I. Yet there was none.  Too talkative. Too emotional.  Too needy. Too adventurous. Too free spirited.  Too much and not enough, all wrapped up in one unlovable package. 

It was all just a delusion, that I took for as truth.