Adrift

I pray. Every day. 

Do you think God can make sense of the incoherent screaming inside my head? 

You were my anchor in the storms. 

You gave me safe harbour. 

You made the screaming stop. 

But then you left me.

I believed in you. 

I trusted you. 

I rested on you.

I thought you loved me.

I know there's no going back. 

Once done, can't be undone. 

Our values don't line up. 

But it doesn't mean I don't miss you.

I was looking for a home for my heart. 

With you, I found not a home, 

but a temporary way station. 

A safe space to lay my head,

for a moment.

Not for a lifetime 

I know that my safe space isn't found in another person. 

I know that my happiness can not ever depend on someone else's actions. 

I know that I will survive without you. 

But for today, I will sit alone with the screaming in my head.

I will hold myself gently.

I will be my own safe space.

And I will love me in a way you never could.