It's been a week since my world shattered. A week of mind numbing pain. I have sobbed. I have retched over and over, my body violently rejecting reality. I have survived the funeral. I have survived Christmas.
People have surrounded me with love. Knocks on the door. Hugs. Pasta. Christmas cookies. Chocolate. Brandy.
It has been a week. Facebook has stopped pinging. Texts are few and far between. The phone has stopped ringing. The people have gone.
I have collapsed into sleep. Dozing on the couch. Curled up in my bed with my dog on my feet. Over and over I wake with tears seeping out from beneath closed lids.
The maelstrom of emotions has faded to numbness.
Confusion, sorrow, shock leaving behind a gaping emptiness and I wonder if I will ever feel joy again. Will I laugh? Will I sing and dance? Will I walk the shore with the sun on my face, my toes in the water and the wind in my hair?
How can I go on?
Is it wrong to laugh when my boy will never laugh again?
I'm afraid of the day when I can drive by the spot where his car crashed and his life ended without catching my breath on a sob.
Years ago a piece of my heart left me to go walk the world on its own. One week ago that piece of my heart died a sudden death.
How can I go on without it? Without him?
There are no words.
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