Letters to My Lover - Feeling Loved

Relationships are the the most challenging part of our lives. They stretch us in ways that are difficult and uncomfortable. They also give all kinds of opportunities for growth. Over the last few years I've written a number of letters to my lover as we've progressed through the stages of our relationship. This is the third one. 


Love shows up in so many ways. What makes us feel loved and treasured is different for each of us. It is so important that we find the way to show our love in a way that others end up feeling truly loved.

Many years ago, in counselling, I was told to write a list.

I feel like you love me when....

And then fill in the blanks.

I wrote one and you wrote one and then we swapped.

I feel like you love me when you take out the trash.

I feel like you love me when you eat the cake I made and eat around the burned parts.

I feel like you love me when you hold my hand.


We've been together a while now and what makes us feel loved has changed as our situation has changed.

My new list goes something like this;

I know that you love me when...

You stop work early on a Saturday to come home and take out the trash.

You turn on my side of the electric blanket before you fall asleep.

You get up at 4 am to go to work and when you kiss my sleeping head on your way out the door.

You make sure I have popcorn money before a soccer game.

You text me in the morning and tell me to have a good day.

You let my mom, sister, cousin, friend, come from Canada and stay for weeks. (Not all at the same time)

You don't mind when I eat your last cookie.

What I've learned is that it doesn't matter how often you do or do not say those three little words. What matters is how you show me. What matters is the little things you do every day. What matters is that you make the time for me.

Love is a verb. It is an action word. Your actions speak of your love in a thousand different ways.

I feel like you love me.

I know that you love me.

I am loved.