Relationships are the the most challenging part of our lives. They stretch us in ways that are difficult and uncomfortable. They also give all kinds of opportunities for growth. Over the last few years I've written a number of letters to my lover as we've progressed through the stages of our relationship. This is the fourth one.
I wonder if today will be the day. Will today be the day that the last straw hits the camel's back?
I figure someday you're going to realize that I'm not worth it. Someday you're going to get tired of cleaning up after me, spending your money on me. Someday you're going to figure out that I'm not the smart, beautiful, amazing woman you think you know.
Will today be the day?
I try to be super woman but I always come up short, at least in my own mind.
I spent all day baking and you came home after a long day of work and cleaned the kitchen.
I left my socks on the floor again. I do that a lot.
My kids were super obnoxious today, whining, arguing and hard to get along with.
My dog won't stop barking.
I came home with two new kittens I found on the side of the road.
Sometimes it's feels like a test... do you love me enough to clean up after me just one more time? Then you fall asleep with me tucked close in your arms and I'm left awake breathing a sigh of relief. Your love was enough to make it though one more day.
Did you know when you choose me that I was broken? Did you know that I was scared and insecure all the time? Did you know that you would have to constantly reassure me?
Once a long time ago you were there for me when I needed a friend. Now I need you every day. I need your jokes and your smiles and your hugs. I need your patience and your reassurance and your love.
Someday I hope that my fears will ease and I will know that I am enough just as I am. Someday I hope that my faith in you will be so strong that I won't need constant reassurance.
Someday I hope to believe in a love so strong, so unshakable, so unconditional that I will have no more fear.
Until that day, tell me again that you love me. Tell me again that you choose me.
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