The bar was crowded that night, music blaring, people talking. I stood with a drink in my hand, next to Chuck. He was there on business. I was there for an adventure. Life is too short and I wanted to gather up experiences, to live fully.
I looked up and saw you. My world stopped, music faded, Chuck disappeared. You towered head and shoulders above other men. You, with your swashbuckling ways, your earring, your day-old beard and your balloon sword. From the moment I saw you my heart was yours. I climbed up on a bar stool, we put our arms around each other and posed for a picture. You asked me to guess your name. Shawn. I kissed your cheek. You gave me your phone number and then you moved on. Work the crowd, make the tourists happy. I figured, even though I texted you, I'd never hear from you again. That would have been okay, disappointing, but okay. I may have fallen head over heels in love with you the second I saw you, but you were just doing your job.
I returned to Chuck's side, distracted, a little shell-shocked. Wow! First lesson learned from a stilt walking pirate - there is such a thing as love at first sight.
Your shift ended, the pirate costume came off and then, there you were standing in front of me. I didn't recognize you right away without the costume, my gaze slid right past you and you laughed at me. At that moment, Chuck and everyone else in my world faded from existence. Nothing mattered but you. You came back. From that very moment, I was yours. I would have gone anywhere, done anything, to be with you.
So began my adventures with a stilt-walking pirate, dancing under the stars, riding an inclinator, walking hand and hand through the city, among the tourists. I couldn't take my eyes off you. It was almost dawn when you returned me to my hotel room and we went in separate directions with no idea if we would see each other again. But you came back again and again. Until finally it was time for me to go home. I asked you if I could give up my life back home and my children and just stay with you forever. If you could do that, you wouldn't be the kind of girl I'd want. I got on an airplane and I cried as I watched the palm trees slip away.
So ends the adventure. But the lessons were just beginning.
I learned that two hearts can be connected, two hearts can know each other, even if they've never met before. I learned that there is a tie that binds hearts together. I learned that sometimes, logic means nothing. I learned that I can know someone in my heart and not in my head and that that is okay.
I learned how important it is to follow my heart, trust my emotions. Defying logic, accepting that I don't ever act on impulse or run off to play with strangers, but this one time, my heart spoke louder than my head.
Months later I was on my way to a first date with someone when I got the text from you that said that there was really no future between us. I knew that. I knew that from opposite sides of the country and opposing lifestyles, there was no where for us to go, not together. I determined not to cry so as not to have mascara streaks running down my face when I got to where I was going. I learned that together or apart, with or without talking to you, I'd always love you. Those ties that bind my heart to you are stronger than time, stronger than distance, stronger than logic. I learned that a part of my heart will always belong to you, whether you want it or not.
I learned that I could love without expectations. I need nothing from you. It is enough that you exist, over there, on the opposite side of the country. Just because you are, I love. You don't need to do anything, say anything, be anything. I will love, always and completely, just because.
And then I learned, that love isn't enough. I did expect something from you. I expected you to believe me when I said I loved you, even if you don't believe in love at first sight, even if you can't love me back. I expected that you would recognize my love for what it was, deep and everlasting, not some infatuation with a pirate costume. I've never once cared about the stilt-walking pirate, but always loved the man behind the costume. That one thing that you couldn't give me, hurt my heart.
Finally, I learned that I can cut the ties that bind. I can let go of love. I can let go of expectations. I can stop sleeping in your t-shirt night after night. I can wish you happiness and love and joy. I can find my own happiness and love and joy.
I know now that all those lessons will stay with me. I know that the imprint you left on my heart will always remain. But the point to a lesson is to learn it and be able to apply it to the next situation. I don't know if I could love the way I do if I hadn't first loved a stilt-walking pirate. I don't know if I could embrace adventures if I hadn't first followed my heart into an adventure. I don't know if I could let go of people if I hadn't first learned to let go of a pirate.
I'm a better person for having known a nine foot tall, stilt-walking pirate. I have no regrets.
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