No one knows that the black sweater I wear used to lie against his skin.
No one knows that on my left wrist is the bracelet he gave me just before he died.
No one knows that I cling to that reminder that he left me. "you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."
No one knows that I didn't sleep last night, dreading the morning.
No one knows that I spent a chunk of the day sobbing on the bathroom floor.
No one knows that I contemplate ending my life so the pain and grief will end.
No one knows that my children took turns sitting beside me doing a jigsaw puzzle while tears silently roll down my cheeks.
No one knows that I sat at work and listened to a child describe their fear of losing a loved one to a car accident and then went home and sobbed.
No one knows that I didn't eat cake on his death day, because I thought that maybe if I didn't eat the last piece of cake, he wouldn't die again this year.
No one knows that I blamed myself, because I didn't tell him to stay home. Just don't go.
No one knows that I'm still crying.
No one knows that there is still screaming in my head.
No one knows. And I'm not telling.
No comments:
Post a Comment