Count Your Blessings

A lot of bad stuff happens in this world. It's on the news. It's on the radio.  It's in the paper and all over Facebook. 

I avoid it as much as I can. I'd like to pretend I live in my own little bubble where nothing bad can get to me. I don't read or watch the news. I avoid Facebook.  I change the radio station when something comes up. I don't talk about it. I don't write about it and I like to pretend I don't feel it.

Yet this last few weeks I've been feeling off. I don't call it anxiety or depression.  It's not really sad. It's just a little bit off.

Understandable that I might feel a little unsettled, a little overwhelmed.  Even if we take the rest of the world out of the equation, I've just closed my yoga studio and gone back to school. I've sent two kids away to college, one of which has a life threatening illness. I've started a new job.

There's a lot of big changes going on.

The other day a friend of mine posted on Facebook about making muffins. I said I needed the recipe and to taste one. Surprise! Within a few hours there was someone standing on my porch with a muffin in a baggie.

It was a little thing, didn't take him far out of his way. But that little moment of kindness reminded me that I am not alone, that I have a tribe.  There are people who love me and would go out of their way to do something nice for me. It made my day. 

That kindness gave me the strength to go on.

A few days later I was still feeling overwhelmed.  I took on too much,  bit off more than I could chew. One day in to the new job I decided to change my mind.  With trepidation I went to speak to my new boss. I told him that I  couldn't  do what was being asked of me. The schedule was too much and they would need to find someone else.

I was ready to quit. Not just the job, everything. Throw in the towel. Life wins this round.

The new boss didn't accept my resignation. Instead he asked me what I needed to make this work for me. He offered less hours, different hours, work from home options.  He told me what was non-negotiable and then offered me the flexibility to make the rest of it accommodate my schedule and my needs.

I left his office. I walked in the grass in my bare feet. I sat in the sun. I may have even leaked a tear or two. Then I went back to work.

He reminded me that there are truly good people in the world. People who are kind and generous. People who are considerate enough to try new things in new ways so that everyone can get their needs met. He showed me that kindness can come from strangers as well as friends.

That kindness gave me the strength to go on.

When life seems big and dark and scary, whether it's the whole world or just your little corner of it,  remember that there are people who love you.  Remember that there is kindness and goodness in friends and in strangers.  Make muffins. Sit in the sun. Drink tea. And always remember to count your blessings not your sorrows.

I still feel a little raw, unsettled, overwhelmed.  I'm not sure I'm strong enough or brave enough or smart enough. I'm scared of what might be. But I sit with my muffin and my tea, I feel the sun on my face and I count my blessings.