Letters to My Lover - I Choose You

Relationships are the the most challenging part of our lives. They stretch us in ways that are difficult and uncomfortable. They also give all kinds of opportunities for growth. Over the last few years I've written a number of letters to my lover as we've progressed through the stages of our relationship. This is the last one (for now). 





We both agreed it was over even though neither of us said a word. The endless fights, the hurt feelings, the loneliness, was all too much.

In our minds we were thinking of ways to get out and what that would look like.


Just the idea was a relief. We don't have to live like this forever.

But then something changed. You chose me. You could have walked away but you chose me. You said you still loved me.

I chose you too.

Since then, every day we have made a choice. In the morning when we wake up we choose again. At night when we fall asleep beside each other, it's another choice.


Every time we stop what we are doing to share a hug or a kiss, every time we turn our attention to what the other has to say, every time we offer support and encouragement, what we are really saying is I choose you.

It isn't always easy. Some days we're too tired. Some days you work long hours. Some days we don't feel well. Some days I'm just plain grumpy. On those days it can be hard to be kind, loving, patient, supportive. Those are the days when it's most important.

Some days I have nothing more to give so you give a little extra. Some days you have nothing left for me, so I give a little extra.

That is love.


 Each day we make the choice to love each other with our words and our actions.

No matter what. Even when I hurt you or you hurt me, even when we fight, I choose you again and again.

Every day, in every way, I choose you.

Letters to My Lover - My Deepest Fear

Relationships are the the most challenging part of our lives. They stretch us in ways that are difficult and uncomfortable. They also give all kinds of opportunities for growth. Over the last few years I've written a number of letters to my lover as we've progressed through the stages of our relationship. This is the fourth one. 



I wonder if today will be the day. Will today be the day that the last straw hits the camel's back?

I figure someday you're going to realize that I'm not worth it. Someday you're going to get tired of cleaning up after me, spending your money on me. Someday you're going to figure out that I'm not the smart, beautiful, amazing woman you think you know.

Will today be the day?

I try to be super woman but I always come up short, at least in my own mind.

I spent all day baking and you came home after a long day of work and cleaned the kitchen.

I left my socks on the floor again. I do that a lot.

My kids were super obnoxious today, whining, arguing and hard to get along with.

My dog won't stop barking.

I came home with two new kittens I found on the side of the road.

Sometimes it's feels like a test... do you love me enough to clean up after me just one more time? Then you fall asleep with me tucked close in your arms and I'm left awake breathing a sigh of relief. Your love was enough to make it though one more day.

Did you know when you choose me that I was broken?  Did you know that I was scared and insecure all the time? Did you know that you would have to constantly reassure me?

Once a long time ago you were there for me when I needed a friend. Now I need you every day. I need your jokes and your smiles and your hugs.  I need your patience and your reassurance and your love.

Someday I hope that my fears will ease and I will know that I am enough just as I am. Someday I hope that my faith in you will be so strong that I won't need constant reassurance.

Someday I hope to believe in a love so strong, so unshakable, so unconditional that I will have no more fear.

Until that day, tell me again that you love me. Tell me again that you choose me.

Letters to My Lover - Feeling Loved

Relationships are the the most challenging part of our lives. They stretch us in ways that are difficult and uncomfortable. They also give all kinds of opportunities for growth. Over the last few years I've written a number of letters to my lover as we've progressed through the stages of our relationship. This is the third one. 


Love shows up in so many ways. What makes us feel loved and treasured is different for each of us. It is so important that we find the way to show our love in a way that others end up feeling truly loved.

Many years ago, in counselling, I was told to write a list.

I feel like you love me when....

And then fill in the blanks.

I wrote one and you wrote one and then we swapped.

I feel like you love me when you take out the trash.

I feel like you love me when you eat the cake I made and eat around the burned parts.

I feel like you love me when you hold my hand.


We've been together a while now and what makes us feel loved has changed as our situation has changed.

My new list goes something like this;

I know that you love me when...

You stop work early on a Saturday to come home and take out the trash.

You turn on my side of the electric blanket before you fall asleep.

You get up at 4 am to go to work and when you kiss my sleeping head on your way out the door.

You make sure I have popcorn money before a soccer game.

You text me in the morning and tell me to have a good day.

You let my mom, sister, cousin, friend, come from Canada and stay for weeks. (Not all at the same time)

You don't mind when I eat your last cookie.

What I've learned is that it doesn't matter how often you do or do not say those three little words. What matters is how you show me. What matters is the little things you do every day. What matters is that you make the time for me.

Love is a verb. It is an action word. Your actions speak of your love in a thousand different ways.

I feel like you love me.

I know that you love me.

I am loved.