Letters to My Lover - Giving Up

Relationships are the the most challenging part of our lives. They stretch us in ways that are difficult and uncomfortable. They also give all kinds of opportunities for growth. Over the last few years I've written a number of letters to my lover as we've progressed through the stages of our relationship. This is the first one. 



I remember the day we met. You were busy on the job and you ignored me. I walked away thinking 'What a jerk!'

But then months later I met you again. You were kind and sweet and funny. I found myself making up reasons to see you, to call you. You took off your sunglasses and I loved your beautiful blue eyes. I watched you with my children and admired your patience. I started to trust you with my secrets.

I remember sitting side by side on the stairs. I'll never forget that day, the moment, when you leaned over and kissed me. I knew you were nervous, unsure of how I would react. I kissed you back and so began the slow slide into love.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years and here we are today. The song plays in my mind over and over again. "Say something I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one if you want me to. Anywhere I would have followed you. Say something I'm giving up on you." And the tears leak slowly out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

I reach for you over and over but can't quite touch you. I talk to you, I tell you I'm lonely. I tell you I need you. I ask you to turn off the TV and listen to me, look at me, touch me, make love to me. But you can't hear me.

Days go by as the gap between us widens. Until here we are in our bed, sleeping side by side, with the Grand Canyon between us.

We fight over little things, stupid things. I ask you what's wrong and you say nothing, then you turn up the TV a little louder. You kiss my forehead every day before you leave for work but I can't remember the last time you kissed me.

I remember the beginning so clearly, the passion, the excitement, the fun and I can't understand how we ended up here. I don't know what happened or when we lost touch with each other. I don't know how to reach you.

I'm witnessing the slow starvation of love. I'm not ready to leave you yet but I know I can't live like this. Every day, feeling invisible, ignored, alone.

Say something. I'm giving up on you.