i don't want to get out of bed
i don't want to put on pants
i don't want to go to work
i don't want to be scared anymore
i don't want to drive in snow storms
i don't want to drive by the death spot
i don't want to see death in oncoming headlights
i don't want to be angry anymore
i don't want to hate the world for turning
i don't want resent all the people who celebrate
i don't want to hear the voices screaming in my head
i don't want to grieve anymore
i don't want to cry
i don't want to miss him
i don't want to talk about it
i am so tired
sobbing
curled up in a ball
rocking
seven years later it is not better
seven years later I am still shattered
seven years later it still swallows me whole and leaves me gasping for breath
when does it end
when does it ease
when is there peace
i don't want to endure anymore
it's just too much
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