Sunday, December 15, 2024

i don't want to

i don't want to be brave anymore
i don't want to get out of bed
i don't want to put on pants
i don't want to go to work 

i don't want to be scared anymore
i don't want to drive in snow storms 
i don't want to drive by the death spot
i don't want to see death in oncoming headlights

i don't want to be angry anymore
i don't want to hate the world for turning
i don't want resent all the people who celebrate 
i don't want to hear the voices screaming in my head

i don't want to grieve anymore
i don't want to cry
i don't want to miss him 
i don't want to talk about it

i am so tired
sobbing
curled up in a ball
rocking

seven years later it is not better
seven years later I am still shattered
seven years later it still swallows me whole and leaves me gasping for breath

when does it end
when does it ease
when is there peace 

i don't want to endure anymore
it's just too much


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