I'd Tell You, if I Could

To my mother, my lover, my child... 

I'd tell you I'm sorry, if I could. 

Sorry for all the ways I failed you, for evey hurt, every betrayal. 

Sorry for all the ways in which I was not enough, and too much.

I'd tell you I forgive you, if I could. 

Forgive you for every hurt you inflicted, every argument we had. 

Forgive you for every misunderstanding. 

I'd tell you that no one could ever take your place, if I could. 

No one else has your sense of humour and your smile. 

No one else hugs just like you. 

I'd tell you that I cherish every memory, if I could. 

Memories of laughter and love, hurts and sorrows.

Memories of you, with me. 

I'd tell you that I learned so much from you, if I could. 

Learned about life and love, growing up, holding on and letting go.

Mostly I learned about me and the values I hold dear. 

I'd tell you that I'm grateful for you, if I could. 

Grateful for the way you listened and loved.

Grateful for advice and adventures.  

I'd tell you that I'm here for you, if I could.

Here to sit with you in the dark spaces.

Here to celebrate your triumps.

I'd tell you that you can always come back to me, if I could. 

My door, my arms, my heart is always open. 

I'd tell you I love you, if I could. 

No matter what.  Forever.  

If I could.