The Monkey on my Back

There is a monkey on my back and his name is Should.

He sits with me constantly, and has a monologue going all day long.

You should do the laundry.

You should clean the house.

You should think about what's for dinner.

You should pay the bills.

You should eat more vegetables. 

You should exercise more.

You should lose weight.

You should walk the dog.

You should read the kids a bedtime story.

You should turn off the tv.

For variety Should adds a not now and then.

You shouldn't eat that ice cream.

You shouldn't drive so fast.

You shouldn't say that just cause you're mad.

With every should he utters he gets heavier and heavier for me to carry.  My shoulders hunch. My head bows.

Should makes me feel like a failure. Should drags me down.

But there is a spark of rebellion inside me. It is called resistance and it says I don't have to listen to Should. I can do what I want, when I want.

So when Should tells me to pay the bills, I go shopping for a new pair of shoes. And when Should tells me to eat more vegetables I pick up another cookie. When Should tells me to turn off the TV, I pick up the remote and turn it up a little louder to drown him out.

Resistance to Should is an every day battle and it's exhausting.  It drains my energy. I spend so much time battling the Should that I don't have time for fun things. And because I resist Should with all my might it takes forever to get anything done.

I'm contemplating sending Should off to the zoo and inviting his brother Could to come and live with me instead.

It's a novel idea.

I could fold the laundry or I could read a book.

I could think about what's for supper or I could feed the kids cereal for dinner again.

I could read the kids a bedtime story or we could all watch Family Feud together.

Hmmm... with Could I feel all the rebellion and resistance drain out of me. There is no battle to fight.

I feel so much more peaceful living with Could.

I think Should needs to stay at the zoo. I'm enjoying Could much more.