On Love

What is love?

This is a question I've been contemplating for many months and it has occurred to me that though we all have a basic understanding of what love is, what it really means is different in each situation and with each person that uses the word.  I love chocolate.  I love my kids.  I love my dog.  I love a trashy romance now and then. I love my parents.  I love watching the stars.  I love swimming.  I love you.
Ah, that's where it get's tricky. Most everyone will understand exactly what I mean when I say I love chocolate because we all have something that we feel like that about.  When I say I love my parents, well that becomes a little more difficult to define.  That is much more complex, based on the years of the relationship and what may or may not have happened over those years.  But still, most people can wrap their minds around that concept without too much difficulty.  When I say 'I love you' everything gets much more muddled.  Does that mean I want something from you?  Does that mean I expect you to behave in a certain way? Does that mean that if you hurt me I'll stop loving you?  Does that mean I need you to do something?  Does that mean that you aren't free to be you?

I've spent many years trying to figure out what it means to me to love someone.  I've read a number of books trying to wrap my mind around the subject and clarify what it really means to me when I say "I love you."  All of these books have something interesting to say on the topic of love.  The one that most resonates with me is a little old book called Mister God, This is Anna.  Anna describes love as in my middle.  I know you 'in my middle.'  Once I love you, you become a part of me.  It isn't about knowing you in my head, it is about knowing you 'in my middle.'  Some people we see with our eyes.  Some people we know with our heads.  Other people we see and we know with our hearts.  To me, this is love.  The ability to see truly with our hearts is allowing our eyes to see, our heads to know but putting all that aside to love with our hearts. 

What it all boils down to, love to me doesn't ask anything of anyone.  We are all deserving, just by being.  My heart is open.  I love.  I don't expect you to be or do anything.  I don't need you to be or do anything.  I acknowledge and appreciate your uniqueness just as you are.  I understand that not one of us is perfect and I don't expect you to be.
In loving I know that I don't have to do anything.  It doesn't mean I'll be with you forever.  It doesn't mean I'll talk to you regularly.  It doesn't mean that I expect you to be there for me.  It does mean that there is a corner of my heart that will always belong to you.  That will never change.  No matter where you go, what you do, my love remains.  Truly loving someone means accepting them in all their imperfections.  Truly loving someone means encouraging them to be the best they can be.  Truly loving someone means supporting them in their dreams. 

The great thing about loving from our heart is that there is no limit.  When your heart is open, there is always room for more.  Every time you love someone, your heart expands to make room.  I always think about the Grinch who Stole Christmas and how his heart grew when he discovered love.  That is the way it works.  Every time I had another baby my heart grew.  Every time I fell in love again, my heart grew.  Every time I got a new cat, my heart grew.  When I met you, my heart grew some more. 
My goal has been to learn how to love with no lines and no limits.  I'm not there yet, but I'm close.  I want to love in a way that celebrates authenticity.  I want to love in a way that spreads joy.  I want to love in a way that encourages growth.   Love shared, should make both us more. 


  Love doesn't break people down, love doesn't make people less.  Love is constantly expanding, spreading, growing. 


My love is a gift, freely shared.  Whether you chose to accept it or not, it remains.