It's 95 degrees out and I'm at the local beach with my kids. I watch the other parents with their children. It warms my heart to see all these different families, parents, siblings, friends come together in one place. Families come in all shapes and sizes now, single parents, married parents, grandparent-parents, step parents, same sex parents, adopted parents. People also come in all shapes and sizes, short, tall, fat, thin, rich, poor, some with college degrees, some without, some with jobs, some without. Yet with all our differences there is one thing we have in common. As parents we share hopes and dreams, fears and insecurities and above all, an all-consuming love. We all long to give our children a better life. We all share the fear that we have let our children down in some way. We all love our children beyond reason.
So I sit in the sand and watch my children swim and play. I build sandcastles with them. I cherish these times with them and I think about what I’ve learned from these seven wonderful gifts that have been entrusted to my care. There are the basics - patience, restraint, kindness, communication. But more than that… from one child I have learned about a fierce loyalty, determination and drive. From a different child I have learned about sheer courage, the need to fight injustice and to stand up for what is right. One child has taught me about joy – the true joy that comes from living every moment to the fullest. A different child has the kindest heart of anyone I’ve met and so I learn about giving the best of one’s self, even when it’s hard, even when it hurts. Another child feels everything so deeply, his example has taught me to laugh and to cry and to accept the feelings that flow through us. My firstborn child has taught me how to let go, how to forgive (especially myself) and how to accept people in all their differences. From my youngest child I have learned to believe in myself and to believe in a true deep abiding love that spans lifetimes.
These are just a few of the lessons I have learned from my children. My lessons are nowhere near complete. It has been eighteen years of learning and a lifetime still to come, eighteen years of growing, of stretching my heart every day. Yet the biggest thing I have learned from my children is how to love. I don’t have to approve. I don’t have to understand. I don’t have to like what they do. I just have to accept them exactly as they are and love them. When they are scared, I love them. When they are angry or rebellious, I love them. When they are irritating or silly, I love them. When they throw up all over the house in the middle of the night, I clean it up and I love them even more.
Just recently I was having a terrible day. I was foul-natured and miserable. I was human, yelling at my children and crying. The very boy that I had just been nasty to came to stand in front of me and said “YOU need a hug.” As I hugged him and apologized for my behavior, I was touched by a no matter what kind of love.
Every day these children find new ways to stretch my heart. They inspire me to new heights of greatness, to new depths of despair and to new pinnacles of joy. In the journey we have shared, from the innocence of each tiny newborn baby to the amazing young men they have become, they have showed me what kind of person I would like to be. This is the gift my children have given to me. This is love. In this love I find inspiration. I am moved to tears, to anger, to grief, to joy, to fear but mostly to love again and again, every day. I chose to love them. They chose to return that love. We hold onto each other with love. We hold the space for all of us to learn and grow in this love. This love shapes them. This love shapes who I am and everything I do. They have taught me how to love truly and deeply with no lines and no limits.
This is love.
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