Divinely Human

Homework this week is to type for ten minutes without ceasing and without editing, so except for fixing  typos and spelling this is what I've come up with.  

My teacher says to sit with your emotions but it is so hard.  Just recently someone said to me, either we spend our energy running from our stuff or dealing with our stuff.   Most of the time it is a combination of both that we do every day, some days we run, some days we turn and face it.  Other days if we’re up for the challenge we sit with it.  Sitting with our stuff is hard.  Sitting and feeling our emotions, our joys and our sorrows, our hopes and our fears is hard.  So instead we run and we hide.  Some of us run into drugs or alcohol.  Some of hide in a tv show, a book or a computer game.  Some of us bury our head in work or soothe our hearts with food.  No matter what we do we are doing exactly what we need to do to survive.  We are doing exactly what we need to do to make it through the day. 

I must say the absolute strength and courage of people amazes me.  I look at what people go through, illness, abuse, loss and yet somehow they get up again every day and put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  This is the amazing gift that we all share, the resilience of the human spirit.  There are days when I want to curl up in bed and pull the cover’s over my head, seven kids, a messy divorce, financial problems, school work, housework… all these things calling my name.  There are days when I sit with my emotions, walk through my day with tears or sorrow or fear.  But every day I keep going.  I put one foot in front of the other.  It never ends.  All we can do is keep going. 

The longing in my heart is for peace.  This is my ultimate goal, that no matter what the day holds in store for me, no matter if it is a good day or a bad day, I can walk through my day with peace.  I hold this goal in my heart.  The biggest thing that I have done to find this peace is to sit with my emotions.  I don’t try to run, I don’t try to fix them, I don’t even try to understand why.  I just sit.  Some days I notice this ease in my body, my breath flows, my heart doesn’t ache and I realize this is peace.  Other days I feel so much, my heart aches and I feel compassion for myself.  Learning to feel compassion for myself is vital to accepting and sitting with my emotions. 

Why is it so hard to be kind to ourselves?  To feel compassion for ourselves?  We can all look at other people and see their struggles and find it in our hearts to be compassionate.  But when we look at ourselves we are so hard on ourselves, we are our own worst critics.  In searching for peace I have learned to not criticize, to not judge, to not demean myself  but to just be with me.  In sitting with myself I have come to find compassion, forgiveness and a gentleness that I never had before.  Those emotions then are passed on to my children, my family, my friends and it becomes so much easier to live from a place of love rather than a place of fear. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m human.  There are days when I lose my temper and I’m short on patience.  There are days that I whine and complain, maybe even gossip a little.  There are days when I do pull the blankets over my head and hide in my bed.   There are days when my heart hurts and I cry.  There are days when I neglect my responsibilities and spend all day reading a trashy romance.  There are days when everything is just too hard and I am divinely human.  The difference is that I can find acceptance and love in my heart for myself on those days.  And I know that I will get up and I will go on. 

One of my favourite quotes states “you are not a failure if you fall down, only if you stay down.”  I know I will fall down over and over and over.  That’s okay.  We all fall down when we are learning to walk.  I am learning to walk my own, authentic path.  I will fall down.  But I know that there is nothing that will keep me down.  I will get back up, no matter how many times I fall.  I will get back up.  This is the resilience of the human spirit, the ability to get back up, to keep going.  I stand in awe at the strength I see in people everywhere and I am honored to be divinely human. 

Inspired by Love

It's 95 degrees out and I'm at the local  beach with my kids.  I watch the other parents with their children. It warms my heart to see all these different families, parents, siblings, friends come together in one place.  Families come in all shapes and sizes now, single parents, married parents, grandparent-parents, step parents, same sex parents, adopted parents.  People also come in all shapes and sizes, short, tall, fat, thin, rich, poor, some with college degrees, some without, some with jobs, some without.   Yet with all our differences there is one thing we have in common.  As parents we share hopes and dreams, fears and insecurities and above all, an all-consuming love.  We all long to give our children a better life.  We all share the fear that we have let our children down in some way.  We all love our children beyond reason. 

So I sit in the sand and watch my children swim and play.  I build sandcastles with them.  I cherish these times with them and I think about what I’ve learned from these seven wonderful gifts that have been entrusted to my care.  There are the basics - patience, restraint, kindness, communication.  But more than that… from one child I have learned about a fierce loyalty, determination and drive.  From a different child I have learned about sheer courage, the need to fight injustice and to stand up for what is right.  One child has taught me about joy – the true joy that comes from living every moment to the fullest.  A different child has the kindest heart of anyone I’ve met and so I learn about giving the best of one’s self, even when it’s hard, even when it hurts.  Another child feels everything so deeply, his example has taught me to laugh and to cry and to accept the feelings that flow through us.  My firstborn child has taught me how to let go, how to forgive (especially myself) and how to accept people in all their differences.  From my youngest child I have learned to believe in myself and to believe in a true deep abiding love that spans lifetimes.

These are just a few of the lessons I have learned from my children.  My lessons are nowhere near complete.  It has been eighteen years of learning and a lifetime still to come, eighteen years of growing, of stretching my heart every day.  Yet the biggest thing I have learned from my children is how to love.   I don’t have to approve.  I don’t have to understand.  I don’t have to like what they do.  I just have to accept them exactly as they are and love them.  When they are scared, I love them.  When they are angry or rebellious, I love them.  When they are irritating or silly, I love them.  When they throw up all over the house in the middle of the night, I clean it up and I love them even more. 

Just recently I was having a terrible day.  I was foul-natured and miserable.  I was human, yelling at my children and crying.  The very boy that I had just been nasty to came to stand in front of me and said “YOU need a hug.”  As I hugged him and apologized for my behavior, I was touched by a no matter what kind of love.       

Every day these children find new ways to stretch my heart.  They inspire me to new heights of greatness, to new depths of despair and to new pinnacles of joy.  In the journey we have shared, from the innocence of each tiny newborn baby to the amazing young men they have become, they have showed me what kind of person I would like to be.  This is the gift my children have given to me.  This is love.  In this love I find inspiration.  I am moved to tears, to anger, to grief, to joy, to fear but mostly to love again and again, every day.  I chose to love them.   They chose to return that love.  We hold onto each other with love.  We hold the space for all of us to learn and grow in this love.  This love shapes them.  This love shapes who I am and everything I do.  They have taught me how to love truly and deeply with no lines and no limits. 

This is love. 

The True Story of A Buddha

 

Here I sit, all day, every day.  I perch up here in the corner watching life go by.

Once long ago I was carved and polished.  I felt the love of my creator in every touch.  The intricate details of my soul carved out of wood for all to see.  Oiled and polished to a shine I was shipped off to a store where I sat and watched the people come and go.  In and out, every day people would pass me by.  Then one day I saw her.  She smiled at me.  She ran her hands over my head.  I could feel the love in her. But reluctantly she placed me back on the shelf and walked away.  I thought my heart would break.  I was prepared to return to my loneliness, to continue my wait for a home.  Then she turned back to me.  She picked me up and held me to her heart. 

She brought me home with her that day.  My heart found a home that day.  My heart found love that day.  I was put in a place of pride, on a bookshelf in her bedroom.  Every day she would rub her hands over my head.  I could feel the love she felt for me.  I knew that I was precious to her.  I knew I was dearly loved.  Did she know that I loved her too?   Did she feel how happy I was to be home, watching over her?  All of my dreams had come true. 

But one day things changed.  I was moved from the bedroom to sit in the living room.  Now I perch up here in the corner watching life go by.  She never rubs my head anymore.  I feel so far away, so lonely.  And yet there is nothing I can do.  I watch.  I see the whole family come and go.  I hear the joys and the sorrows, the fun and the fights.  They are my family and I watch over them.  I look down on them with love.

But do they see how lonely I am up here in my corner?  I wonder sometimes in my loneliness who or what has taken my place on the bookshelf in the bedroom?  Is there a vase with flowers?  A picture in a frame?  Maybe a plant or a lamp or a sculpture?  Does she run her hands with love over whatever might be there?  Does she bury her face in flowers and inhale their scent?  Does she ever think of me and miss me watching over her while she sleeps? 

I know that things come and go, people come and go, love comes and goes.  It is the cycle of life.  I am not angry that I have lost my place of pride. I do not hate whatever has replaced me.   I am just so grateful that I have had the chance to love and be loved.  There is a time and a season for all things.  I had my time.  Now my time is past.  The hardest thing to do in life is to flow with the seasons of change.  I was created. My heart longed for a home.  I was loved.   And now I have returned to my aloneness.  But it isn’t the loneliness of being homeless and unloved.  Now it is the peace of contentment.  My love will always remain here in my heart.  There is no such thing as loneliness after one has loved and been loved.  True love is forever.  True love lives in my heart as I sit here, perched alone and untouched in the corner, remembering what once was.

Introducing Victoria

In the ebb and flow of life we all experience joys and sorrows, love and fear, hope and despair.  Victoria's goal has always been to find peace in the midst of the ups and downs of life.    In all things she seeks to be guided by the Divine and to honor the light within each one of us.

Victoria was first introduced to yoga in 2010 and immediately was hooked. She joined Yoga New Hampshire's Teacher Training Program with Maureen Miller, E-RYT shortly thereafter and is now a 200 Registered Yoga Teacher, through Yoga Alliance.   As a mother of seven, with many hours of volunteer time at school and with sports teams, it was a natural extension of her love of children to study with Lisa Flynn from Childlight Yoga and with Christy Brock from Yoga Minded.

Now she is currently attending the Southwest Institute of Healing Arts and working on obtaining a diploma as a Mind Body Wellness Practitioner. As a Mind Body Wellness Practitioner she will hold certificates in Hypnotherapy, Life Coaching and Holistic Nutrition. Additionally she is studying with the Bach International Education Program to become a certified Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner.

Victoria believes that there are many paths to wholeness and that we each need to find our own path. Victoria incorporates meditation, yoga, nutrition, coaching and flower remedies on her journey to peace. It is her goal to be able to assist people in discovering what works for them so more people can discover the healing power of peace in their lives.