All I Wanted

All I wanted was to be loved

I wanted to be good enough
I wanted to be chosen

I wanted to be held
I wanted arms wrapped around me at night
I wanted my head on a should and a heart beating under my ear

I wanted a safe space to be me

I wanted to be authentic
I wanted to be vulnerable

I wanted a shared future

I wanted shared values
I wanted shared homes, families, traditions

I wanted a playmate

I wanted adventures

I wanted laughter

I wanted to feel seen and heard and valued

I wanted to feel good enough

I wanted to feel worthy

I wanted magic

I wanted peace, hope and joy

I wanted a haven, a safe place to land 

All I wanted was today
Not someday
Not eventually

But today

I wanted a home for my heart

Don't Tell Me That I Shine

Don't tell me that I'm beautiful. Tell me the sound of my laughter makes you want to laugh too. Tell me the way my eyes crinkle when I smile makes your heart soften. Tell me the curve of my shoulder is tantalizing. 

Don't tell me I'm a good person. Tell me that my passion for my work inspires you. Tell me that the way I rescue strangers and kittens gives you hope. Tell me that my soft heart makes you want to hold me close and my stubborn pride fills you with awe. 

Don't tell me that you're mad at me. Tell me that my careless words infuriate you. Tell me that my selfishness makes you feel lonely.  Tell me that my frivolousness frustrates you and when I am distracted you feel unheard. 

Don't tell me that you want me.  Tell me that the scent of me makes you long to hold me close. Tell me that the curve of my ass incites lust. Tell me that curls gone wild makes you feel wild about me and you can't wait to feel my skin against yours.

Don't tell me that you love me. Tell me that when I dance in the kitchen and sing in the shower the world feels brighter. Tell me that my thirst for adventure brings excitement to your soul. Tell me that you can see forever with me sitting across the room from you. 

Don't tell me that you'll fight for me. Tell me that I provoke introspection. Tell me that being with me makes you want to be a better man. Tell me that I matter to you. Tell me that I am worthy and that you want to share your life with me. 

Don't you fucking tell me that I shine. Don't tell me that you're attracted to my light, my goodness, my heart. Tell me that you love the way I show up for people. Tell me you admire how I hold people safe when they are falling apart. Tell me my ability to find magic in the world encourages you to look for magic as well. Tell me that you watch the way I walk the razors edge with wonder. Tell me that the way I find light in the darkness feels miraculous. Tell me that the depth and passion of my emotions takes your breath away. 

Don't tell me that you love me. Tell me that you choose me, every day, in every way.

 

You are stunning.  The look the you send me from across the room, saying everything without saying a word, captivates me.  It reminds me that I have a soul, and that you have touched it.  

 

Your passion for others is inspiring.  It spurs me to do better, and be better, so that I can keep up.  It pushes me to remember my own compassion for others, especially when I am feeling hopeless and angry.  

 

I do want you.  I want to hold you at night.  I want snuggles, and kisses, and spooning.  I want to dance with you.  I want to bake with you.  I want to share myself with you.  I want to touch every inch of you.  I  want to be naked with you, sleep with you, and to love you.  I want to tangle my fingers in your curls, and be so close I can’t tell where I end and you begin.

 

Being with you makes me want to be a better man. It makes me want to engage with myself, discover myself, and discover you.  I look forward to spending the rest of forever with you.  

 

You make my life better.  I look forward to ending the day with you, and wrapping you in my arms.  I look forward to comforting you while you comfort me.  I am excited to build traditions, share experiences, and go on adventures with you. 

I love you.  So much.

 

I am attracted to the way you are and the way you are exist.  I am attracted to your laugh, your smile, your curls, your body.  I am drawn to your shape, your embrace, and your voice. 

I admire your ability to reflect, to comfort, and to be with me.

 

I choose you.  I choose to be with you.  I choose to enjoy you. 

All of you. Every day.

Don't Settle

The one thing I wish for you is this, 

Don't settle for a mediocre love. 

Don't stay because you don't think you can't do better. 

Don't stay because you're afraid to be alone. 

Don't accept anything less than a home for your heart.

It's okay to enjoy your mediocre life. 

It's okay to live on a budget.

It's okay if your home is modest.

It's okay if you don't want fame and fortune. 

But it's not okay to settle for a mediocre love.

When you pick your person, make sure you are both all in. 

Life will throw you some challenges, 

Make sure that you want to do the hard stuff with them.

Make sure they will lean in, have hard conversations. 

Make sure they will fight with you and for you. 

Make sure that neither of you are settling for a mediocre love.

 

You deserve to be loved, fully and deeply. 

You deserve to be seen and heard and valued. 

You deserve to feel safe and wanted. 

You deserve someone who accepts you exactly as you are. 

You deserve so much more than a mediocre love. 

You deserve a home for your heart. 

Don't settle for anything less. 

Bit by Bit

Bit by bit it's getting brighter
Bit by bit it's getting lighter
Bit by bit the storm clouds clear
Bit by bit the heartbreak heals

Bit by bit I'm getting stronger
Bit by by I'm feeling braver
Bit by bit the magic grows

Bit by bit I start to play
Bit by bit I start to hope
Bit by bit I stop the tears
Bit by bit I lose my fears
Bit by bit I start to dream
Bit by bit I find some peace
Bit by bit the magic grows

No longer crying 
No longer drowning 
No longer fighting to catch my breath 
No longer lost
No longer searching 
No longer alone in the depths
Bit by bit the magic grows

Tiny beautiful moments
That were there all along
Steaming tea and falling leaves
Soft sweaters and sunsets
Hugs and heartbeats
Bit by bit the magic grows

Tiny beautiful moments 
That fill up my heart 
Music played loud and singing along 
Blustery days and wind in my hair
Curly haired dogs snuggled up close
Family and friends
Laughter and love

Bit by bit the magic grows 
Bit by by my heart heals
Finally, I am content