No Matter What

I know I'm a lot. Big emotions all over the place.  

I know I ask too much. I cry too much. I feel too much. 

I know I storm when I hurt, letting all the upset out. 

Sometimes I say things I don't mean. Sometimes I say things I mean, but I only mean them for a moment. 

Sometimes when I hurt, I say things meant to hurt. 

I know I have wounds that chew me up inside. 

I know I'm anxious and insecure. 

I know I'm sacred all the time. 

Sometimes hurt makes me lash out. 

Sometimes it makes me shut down. 

Sometimes it makes me run. 

I know I don't want to give up, on you or on me. 

I know it's not easy. 

I know there is always more work to be done.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I go to far. 

Sometimes I'm afraid that you won't forgive me. 

Sometimes when I run I'm afraid you don't want me to come back. 

I know that you are my safe space. 

I know that we are better together.

I know that I will always love you. 

No matter what. 

My Soul is Weary

Deep within, my soul is weary.

Trying so hard to believe in something.  

Searching for strength. 

Failing to find faith in something more. 

Rapists, pedophiles and babies in cages.

Over worked, overwhelmed and under paid.

On the floor, skin pressed against cold porcelain. 

Too weak to lift my head. 

Saying a prayer. 

Searching for strength. 

Heartache, loss, broken promises.

Endure more, forgive more, love more.

Sleepless in the dark of night.

Curled in a ball. 

Crying silent tears. 

Trying so hard to believe in something more. 

Is there a God in this world of darkness and pain,

Where fathers rape their daughters 

And mothers sell their sons for a substance? 

Is there a God in this world of grief and loss, 

Where son's die alone

And lovers abandon us? 

Trying every day and failing to find faith in something more.

Walking through a world without magic.

With nothing left to give. 

Exhausted.  Discouraged. Sad. Lonely. 

My soul is weary and I don't want to go on.