"Instead of making others right or wrong, or bottling up right and wrong in ourselves, there’s a middle way, a very powerful middle way. We could see it as sitting on the razor’s edge, not falling off to the right or the left. This middle way involves not hanging on to our version so tightly. It involves keeping our hearts and minds open long enough to entertain the idea that when we make things wrong, we do it out of a desire to obtain some kind of ground or security. Equally, when we make things right, we are still trying to obtain some kind of ground or security. Could our minds and our hearts be big enough just to hang out in that space where we’re not entirely certain about who’s right and who’s wrong? Could we have no agenda when we walk into a room with another person, not know what to say, not make that person wrong or right? Could we see, hear, feel other people as they really are? It is powerful to practise this way, because we’ll find ourselves continually rushing around to try to feel secure again—to make ourselves or them either right or wrong. But true communication can happen only in that open space."
– Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart (p. 83)
Walking the razor's edge is a dangerous game. It is to walk in a world composed of shades of gray. Nothing exists in black and white. There is no right or wrong. Things are blurry, indistinct. The razor's edge is a place for curiosity, questioning, and listening. If you can walk the razor's edge you open up a whole new world of compassion and kindness.
But the razor's edge is not an easy walk. It is not for the faint of heart. Poised so delicately between worlds. The slightest misstep can send you ass over tea kettle, tumbling out of the world of gray and into black and white, right and wrong. A world of judgement. A world of blame and recriminations. A world of guilt and fear.
It's easier to pick a side, to stand in judgement.
I am right. You are wrong.
I am good. You are bad.
I am the hero. You are the villain.
I deserve love. You are unworthy.
Pick a side. Politics and religion. Us against them. Fight for what is right. The world we live in demands it of us. It is exhausting. But easier than the alternative. The razor's edge.
Walking in the gray where I am not right and neither are you,
we are both just here, trying our best. The razor's edge, where there is no guilt or blame.
The razor's edge where our hearts are left open and minds are curious.
This beautiful world made of shades of gray.
Tiptoeing gracefully along the razor's edge, arms outstretched, dipping and swaying I attempt to keep my balance. Like an exquisite dance, leaning to one side, then the other, constantly reminding myself to keep my heart open, keep my mind curious, keep my thoughts light.
And then I fall.
Off the razor's edge,
landing in a mess.
Sobbing and screaming and vomiting.
Covered in my own shame and self-loathing.
Drowning in guilt.
Hurling blame.
Look at me! Do it my way. Let me be right so I can feel something solid and stable under my feet. Please let me be the one that stands in the light for just a little while. Fear builds a cage around my heart. My mind locked up tight behind an impenetrable fortress.
I am right. You are wrong.
I am good. You are bad.
I am the hero. You are the villain.
I deserve love. You are unworthy.
My pleadings beat against your closed mind. My sobs fall on deaf ears. Locked in your own world of darkness. Sure that you are right and I am wrong. You are willing to be the villain. You can drown in your own guilt and recriminations. While we are a million miles apart, together we sink.
