It hurts. Living life awake and aware.
I long for the days when I could turn my back on others, ignore their wounds and cast blame and aspersions.
Instead I feel your pain and I ache for you. Even when you hurt me over and over. There is no judgement.
Sometimes I wish I could be that person that says f*ck you and walks away secure in my own righteousness.
When my heart aches I crave the bowl of ice cream to soothe my wounds or, better yet, the vodka that makes everything hurt less. But no. I stay present, and open.
I put up with the lies and the abuse, the anger that pulses like a living thing. I accept the yelling and the tears. It's a part of life. Life hurts and it's hard and people are wounded.
In your pain you do and say things to hurt others. It's not me. It's you.
Some days I'm strong and I can let it roll off me. It's not me. Other days you touch my wounds and the hurt runs deep. Some days I cry. Some days I get angry. Some days I do say f*ckem all. But I cry my tears, I rant and rage, then I come back with an open heart.
I understand your pain. I even understand your need to hurt me because you hurt so bad. I get it. I will cry my tears in private and then come back to you with an open heart again and again.
My patience is eternal.
I'm not naive or stupid. I'm not a victim.
I am strong. I have a warrior heart that can not be broken. I have courage enough to accept your pain and my own. I have the resilience to roll with life, taking whatever you throw at me.
I have a warrior heart that knows compassion. I will choose love again and again. I can show you the way, if you chose to put down your fear.
I have a warrior heart that can not be broken.
